You’ll never find the perfect man…

Give up on the idea of a man who is everything you ever wanted and more. Firstly, your tastes are likely changing from day to day without you even knowing it, albeit subtly. Secondly, your standards are impossibly high.

Let me explain:

I have encountered many girls and women who proclaimed to me and to each other as we were all growing up, that you should never settle for a man who isn’t good enough for you. On face value, that sounds like a wonderful, empowering and poetic piece of advice that should have given us (as women) an attitude of strength and decisiveness.

Girls who adopted this attitude are often likely to have multiple relationships in which they convince themselves that they aren’t happy, because of the shortcomings of their partner(s). I have known many ladies who jumped ship the moment an imperfection reared its head. The scary thing is, this type of behaviour is encouraged and applauded by women.

The message here is that women shouldn’t have to put any effort into the relationship, it’s the man’s job to work hard to make the changes to keep her satisfied, and that if you are in a relationship that would take effort to repair, it’s easier to leave than to put in the hard yards to build a lasting, meaningful partnership.

Now, don’t mistake this for encouraging women (or anyone) to stay in abusive relationships, or to put up with real, dangerous and dysfunctional partners! I implore anyone who is in a situation where they are being abused or coerced to stay strong and seek help when and where you can. Never tolerate violence!

Mr or Mrs Perfect doesn’t exist. We all have issues and problems and psychological damage from that thing called Life. The longer you stay with someone, the more groundwork you have to put in to maintaining your happiness. You can always learn more about a person and in turn, they can help you with certain aspects of yourself that you have yet to come to terms with. It is imperative to recognise that your partner is seeking happiness and fulfilment in their life as well.

Don’t fall into the trap that it is the sole responsibility of your partner to provide you with satisfaction, and that if they don’t, it’s better to leave than to talk about it. I think the thing people forget is that you should be communicating with your partner constantly. Talk about things often and early, not just when things become a problem. Express your desires, and give them the time to express theirs. Be prepared to receive an earful, but recognise that if you are frustrated, either your partner has no idea, or they are too.



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